Money SUCKS!

Well, to be more accurate, lack of money sucks. I get so sick and fucking tired of movie stars complaining how hard their lives are because they don't have any privacy when they go out or they are under so much pressure. Pressure?!? You son of a monkey faggot fuckers! You have no clue what pressure is. Do you have to decide whether to buy groceries or to get Hannibal Jr. his Ritalin so he'll stop butt fucking the neighborhood pets? No. Do you have to start thinking whose salad you can toss so you can make this months rent? Didn't think so.

But, money doesn't buy you happiness. Fuck you and the silver spoon that scraped you off of your mommas fat ass cottage cheesed thighs you fake piece of shit. Let me be the judge of that! I'll take a crack at not being happy while I try to figure out what bodily orifice I can shove more wads of my cash into. Yeah, must be horrible to decide on which fucking vehicle I want to wreck today or trying to find a store you haven't dumped money in before.

I love it when I see some rich cunt on the news showing off her disfigured body because her back alley plastic surgeon butchered her like victim #5 from Halloween IV. Good! This is obvious evidence that you have too much fucking time and money on your wrinkly ugly hands. Besides, do you really think just because you get a boob job and face tuck your hubby is going to stop fucking those 19 year old Swedish twins? Yeah, in your Harlequin dreams!

My mom once told me, there are some people in this world that just weren't made to have money, and we're one of them. Yeah, well fuck her too! Thanks for marrying "down" mom. Holy fucking dog balls, how fucking low was your self-esteem the day you decided to ride "daddy" all the way to the alter?!? A beer truck driver? That's the best you could do? Thanks for that impressive career choice.

But, I have dated two actual millionaires in my life. Jesus, what a pair of fucking losers. Both in their middle 30's and never married?!? That raises more flags than Disneyland! All they cared about was their money, and then worry that their "friends" only liked them for it. Well fuck! It's not like your hiding it by living in a one bedroom apartment! Fucking stupid rich fucking whores.

I guess I'll never have those problems. But, I guess I'm rich in a lot of ways. I have a shit load of cholesterol, more dog hair covered furniture than anyone I know, and I'm on first name basis with that dude at the liquor store. Yep, it's good to be king.

Gobble gobble everyone. Now fuck off!