Getting Old SUCKS!

This is how I look in the morning before my coffee. I wish somebody would explain to me why our bodies aging process is so obvious but yet our fucking brains still think they're 15 years younger than the outside. I was raking my yard over the weekend and bagging all the leaves. Shit banging faggot monkeys, I couldn't even fucking walk yesterday I was so fucking sore. I still am today, but I'm just holding the signs of excruciating pain under raps so nobody notices. Ya see! There's my point exactly. I can't walk around and say, "I raked leaves this weekend, so I won't be into work today because I can't move". What?!? Are you so fucking old and out of shape you can't even rake leaves without needing three days to recuperate?!? Sadly, that would be a yes.

Same thing goes for every aspect in life. Take food for example. I used to be able to sit down and eat two steaks, six baked potatoes and a half loaf of bread, and then get dressed, still able to fit into my 34 inch waist pants, and go out and party for the night. And I actually did eat that all in one sitting. Now, if I have a second helping of spaghetti, I can't even move from the kitchen table until I shit myself and sleep for 10 hours. How come my fucked up brain doesn't know that I'm fat and full and don't need anymore? I'm not suppressing some childhood gang bang from my daddy's buddies or anything. Why can't my fat ass belly get in sync with my "I'm stuffed" sensor? Should I start getting used to Gerber baby food again already?

Remember when you could go out during the week night and party your ass off until 2 in the morning then pop up and go to work the next morning? Not me, those brain cells are long fucking gone, but I know I used to do it, I've seen the pictures. Jesus turtle nipples, it takes me three fucking days to get over a serious bout of abusing alcohol. All I can do now the morning after is lie on the couch with a tub full of diet coke and keep the dog still to keep the carpet noise down. The only good thing about not doing that anymore is not waking up next to some weird psycho in the morning. Now days I wake up next to the same one every day.

Have you ever noticed when you see someone on the news you haven't seen in a long time, and you think to yourself, holy shit! They look like death! Doesn't it seem that everyone is getting older but you? Or when you see some relative you haven't seen in a long time, and you know the next time you see them they'll be horizontal and you'll be wearing black? Now imagine one of your stupid fucking nieces or nephews saying the same thing about you! Those ungrateful smart ass little fuckers! Christ, I just officially turned into my dad. Great.

And I know, people say you're only as old as you feel. Fuck you asshole! I feel like I'm 93 fucking years old. The only difference is that my wiener still works. Thank god for fucking vicodin and Jim Beam or I would be a paraplegic. At least the leaves are all done now. Great....here comes the fucking snow.

I'll get somebody younger to shovel.

Son of a fucking ball sack wrinkles, getting old SUCKS!