Grammys SUCK!

I didn't think it was possible for this piece of shit show to get worse each fucking year, but I was wrong. Now, I didn't watch it, but I am going to safely assume it sucked big hairy monkey balls. I mean, how in the fuck couldn't it suck? When the majority of the lineup is tweenies and 'rappers' out on parole, you know the music industry has officially giving the fuck up and is completely out of new ideas and talent. Miley Cyrus and the BoneUs Brothers?!? Seriously. That's all you got. This is 'music' today? I understand the Grammys trying to be 'popular'. Well, not really. Unless having 2 dogs on the couch with me at the same time at once counts. But if you look at the disaster of the lineup, who in the fuck would watch it unless it was the only channel you got, and you lost your remote, and your legally blind, and the batteries died in your hearing aid?

First up; Rappers. Oh dear heavenly Jebus up in cloud land, I hate these piece of shit fucking posers more than any other life form on our suck ass planet. First of all, why do rappers always say "Just keeping it real", when none of them use their real fucking names?!? WTF?!? How REAL is that? How come pro athletes use their real names but 'rappers' don't? Umm, well, for one, it's extremely fucking gay and they would get the shit beat out of them everyday in the locker room by their teammates. But mostly, athletes are proud of their accomplishments and how hard they WORKED to get where they are (except A-Rod that cunt). So they want to keep their real name so their families can show some well deserved pride. But anybody can say, yeah, T-Bone or Lip Tag or Puff Zitty is my brother. Get the fuck over yourselves and your over inflated egos you fucking ex-cons. Oh, how many even play an instrument?!? Sorry, crack pipes and microphones don't count. I wonder why DMX and Chris Brown weren't there? Oh yeah, busy being 'rappers'. I forget and the shits.

I was unfortunate enough to catch a few glimpses of the Grammys during commercial breaks while watching the antique sofa repair channel. Stevie Wonder was doing some horrible rendition with the BoneUs Brothers of Superstition. Now, Stevie sounded pretty good. I've seen him twice in concert and he's fucking awesome. But hey, here's a shocker, the BoneUs Brothers forgot the fucking lyrics during the song! You know, because they're professional musicians and they're at the Grammys. And they couldn't hit a fucking note if I held it on the ground at their feet. Holy fucking tampon juice! This is what you had for the 'big' closing number? Stevie alone, yeah I can see that. But sadly, once again the Grammys confuse music with popularity. This is why half the crowd was full of fucking 'reality star' has beens and American Idol rejects. These pukes got invited because.... Well, I got nothing here. Somebody explain that 'target' audience to me. No don't. I dont' give a shit. And Paris Hilton was there?!? That walking Petri dish should have been tasered and then beat to a fine bloody pulp by security when she tried to get on the red carpet. Of course while wearing plastic gloves. Safety first kiddies!

The only thing that I liked, was that Robert Plant beat out "Lil Penis" or whatever that ugly fucking piece of non talented thug monkey's name is. And of course, all the rags and talk shows the next day were talking about how Robert Plant looked. Nothing about how he sounded. This is the entire fucking point. It's gotten to the point where it's all about how you fucking look and your bling and your popularity rather than the substance of your talent. This is why I don't need to update my music library. Because most of the music in the last 8 years has sucked, the "musicians" suck, if you go out to a bar and are over the age of 20, you can't stand the fucking shit noise that comes out of the speakers unless your methed out in the middle of a 7 hour skank grind on the dance floor. Or the Kodak Theatre. Same thing.

Grammys SUCK!

Non-Smokers SUCK! ! !

Yeah, trust me, ya do. Now, if you don't smoke, I think that's just swell Wally. And I promise I won't blow my smoke in your life area and give you black lung and rape your kiddies and murder your parents. Because, well, that's what us smokers do.

In this unprecedented time of economical strife, rampant crime, record breaking layoffs and unemployment, the Indiana legislature is busy in the house trying to pass a law banning ALL buildings in the entire state from smoking. Yeah, they sure have their finger on the pulse of the country.

First things first. If you don't smoke, great. Fucking happy as ice nipples for ya. For those of us who do, we are once again being 'told' that we now can't smoke anywhere but in our homes and our vehicles. America....Land of the FREE. Um, nope. Pursuit of happiness. Puhleeze. Liberty and Justice for some. Damn straight! I believe everyone has a right to breathe. Yup, fine. But what the REAL issue is at stake, is basic rights....FOR ALL! Even the SMOKERS! I'm SO fucking sick and tired of getting treated like a non-citizen because I CHOOSE to smoke. I pay MORE taxes than non smokers because of the high taxes put on cigs. So, if they want everyone to stop, where will the state get the money to supplement the loss of tax income?!?

Maybe we should start putting high taxes on fatty foods and fast food joints and tax the fuck out of fat asses! Non smokers say that smokers are just killing themselves and they are having to pay the hospital and medical costs. Are you fucking kidding me?!? Nobody..repeat...NOBODY has EVER paid MY fucking hospital bills. EVER! How many fat fucks are in the doctor's office because of their fat fucking ass and their high blood pressure, over worked hearts, weak bones from carrying around all their tonnage? If non smokers don't want smokers to "kill themselves", ummm...why don't you just out law bars and taverns?!? Many of a non smokers have left bars fucked up off their asses and killed Innocent drivers! Why don't we out law all bars then? Save the non smokers! Give me a fucking titty break.

I have smoked since I was a teenager. My great aunts, uncles, parents, etc., have ALL smoked. My Great Uncle smoked THREE packs a DAY! Lived alone in his own house until the day he died at 92 years old. Not ONE person in my entire family has ever had a heart attack, lung disease, respiratory problems, nadda. My doctors have told me that I am actually HEALTHIER than thier non-smoking patients! Becuase even though I CHOOSE to smoke, I also workout several times a week and watch what I eat. So what's the deal? How come we all didn't die in an iron lung? What about the people who die of lung and heart disease who have NEVER smoked in their lives? What about the 'healthy' people who keel over at 40 from a heart attack who never smoked? And don't EVEN try to pull that second hand smoke bullshit. Most non smokers surround themselves with non smokers.

It's plain and simple. It's fucking genetics people. You're born with it, or your not. My doctor even agrees with me on this. Yeah, maybe if you are born with it, smoking might trigger it, and boom, you drop dead faster than an MTV show. So learn your family history. But to try and CONTROL people on how to run they're own lives by indulging themselves in LEGAL activities is just beyond American and what it USED to stand for. This fucking PC shit has turned this country into nothing more than a bunch of fucking whiners and complaining pussies. They better think long and real fucking hard on what they think they want. Nobody thinks about the future and how this devastates an economy. My hometown is about a ghost town now because of this same stupid fucking law. Oh, but people are now 'healthier' even though they are now out of jobs and sleeping on the streets. You want all bars/taverns/restaurants to be non smoking? Ok! Guess what? There are hardly any left now. We quit going out. Nice job you fucking unAmerican fucktard holier than thou non-smoking piece of fucking shit heads. Go PC yourself to death. Preferably in another country!

Unfucking real.

Non Smokers SUCK SUCK SUCK!

Referees SUCK! ! ! ! !

Well, well, well. Did everyone enjoy the "Big Game"? What a great super bowl party. There were about 26 people in my living room. Not really, there were only 2 of us, but I have multiple personalities, so I'm like a gang wherever I go. Anyways, here is what I saw that sucked during my couch proned food orgy tv fest. (just an average day really).

Pre-Game Sucks: Did you catch the interview with Matt Lauer and Hussein Obamalamadingdong? Matt holds up the recent cover of US magazine, and mentions that he's not on the cover, just Michelle and the girls. The president says "I lost my spot to Jessica Simpson, who appears to be battling a weight issue". OUCH. Burned by the president on National live television. How will she respond? Will Jessica: a) loose weight. b) sue the president for damaging remarks. c.) have Tony Romo beat him up. d.) Be so humiliated that she locks herself inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop and eat her pain away until Oprah has to do an intervention and pay for the wall to be taken down and have a crane take her to Jenny Craig's mountain celebrity rehab retreat for emergency defattening.

1st Half Sucks: Pretty damn boring except towards the end of the half. But I thought the 3-D commercial was cool. Oh, and just to show how cool my life is, I actually got the very last 3-D glasses at the store. That's just how damn lucky and golden my entire life has been. FUCK! We're out of hamburger helper again?!?

Half Time Sucks: The only thing that sucked during the half time mini-concert of Bruce Springsteen and the "E" Street Band is that it just wasn't long enough damn it. The Super Bowl should have a Super Half Time show, that extends 2 or 3 hours for a normal concert. Let everyone at home and at the game get totally fucked up and wasted. It can only enhance every one's viewing pleasure. But seriously Boss, could have done without the sliding crotch into the camera. Thanks for making me question my sexuality pal.

Second Half Sucks: Did you just happen to notice just a tad bit of yellow during the second half? I haven't seen that many flags since I went on a blind date with a psycho escaped ex-con meth addict with 8 illlegitimate kids. It's ok, I'll wait until you get that one. Well, there were 18 flags thrown. Penalties against Steelers: 56 yards. Penalties against Cardinals: 106 yards! Now, first off, I honestly didn't give a shit about who won, so I really am not biased here. But the unbelievable bad calls against the Cardinals were fucking embarrassing. Not for the Cardinals, for the fucking asshole Referees! Some of them were SO fucking obviously non-existent. I've seen harder hits in FLAG football. I hope those Refs enjoy their new Cadillacs the Steelers bought them before the game. But, the one that killed me, was the Steelers James Harrison BEATING THE SHIT out of a poor Cardinal already on the ground. That piece of shit should have been EJECTED from the fucking game. It was UNREAL and disgusting the actions of the Steelers players and the horrible officiating.

All in all it was a truly exciting and good Super Bowl, but it will be marred by yet another FUCKING HORRIBLE SHIT SUCKING BRAIN DEAD CORRUPT CROOKED FUCKING INBRED BLIND ASSHOLE REFEREES! Man, that felt goooooood! This is the only shitty fucking grainy vid of the Henderson fucking asshole shit he pulled I could find.

I can only imagine how much better it would have been if the fucking Refs would have giving the Cardinals a FAIR chance. Well, they did give them a chance I guess. A FAT CHANCE IN HELL! (ha! see what I did there? I'm ever so clever, no?)

REFEREES SUCK!!!

Greed SUCKS!

If the following suck doesn't make you wanna throw up, you don't deserve to breath air. A few days ago, the wonderful people at Bay City Utilities in Michigan sent out one of their people to hang a paper sign on the door knob of a resident's house to inform him that they are restricting his intake of power to heat his home until he paid his past due utility bill. Well, the fucker should pay his bill you say. I also concur, under normal circumstances. But, being that this was in Michigan, and in January, and the country is in the shit tank, you may think they would take this into consideration. Oh, and by the way....the man who was served is 93 years old and a WWII veteran. Just once more...93 FUCKING YEARS OLD.

But fuck him, the God Damn corporation needs their $1,013 from him so someone can buy their illegitimate rat bastard kid a new PlayStation game or their mistress another couple of rocks to keep her big fucking mouth shut so she won't go blabbing to the fat ugly fucking wife that he's been sticking his limp Viagra injected peen in her disease crusted baby hole. Yeah, I can understand that. Happens everyday. So they did what any good American business would do. Yup! Shut him off. So, in January, they turned the heat off on the house of an American WWII veteran who is 93 years old. Oh, and it just so happens, he died INSIDE his house of hypothermia 2 days later. Yeah, I know. What a pussy. Fucking loser.

So of course the poor over worked and over corrupt cops are bothered at Dunkins to come out and investigate. After no answer at the door, they force their way in only to find this 93 year old man frozen to death INSIDE his house. During the investigation on site, the ever so clever police "discovered" on the gentleman's kitchen table was an over due notice from the utility company, with over a thousand dollars in CASH paper clipped to the bill which he intended to pay the same day he froze. Jesus...this fucker couldn't have made it down to the bus stop and come downtown in sub zero temps to give them their money they so rightfully deserve?!? You know the utility company is fucking PISSED that they are probably going to have to go to court and sue his frozen corpse to try and get that thousand bucks. Oh, and they will. Trust me.

Isn't Amercia just the bestest place in the whole widest world?!?! A place where persistence, fortitude, strength, the need for survival, service and the right to prevail is still alive and well and a model for all that follow?

Um, I am talking about the Utility Company and not the 93 year old WWII vet.....right?!?!

I forget.

UPDATE* The frozen vet left his entire savings to a local hospital. Now go get that from them Utility Company. Fuckers. Take note of a TRUE Amercian you greedy fuking McFucktards!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/04/freezing.death.folo/index.html

full story below
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28858971/

Award Shows SUCK!

If you are under the age of 3o years old, this will probably not make any fucking sense to you. Because your brain has been inundated with so much putrid garbage and mind numbing "entertainment" and "talent" that you are unable to fully function on your brains own power without the aid of an iPod hooked up to your own My Space page while you are on your iPhone texting your BFF's to check out your face book page that you just updated but are putting them on hold because your getting a text message of your other BFF's pic of her flashing her tits at yet another party that's "off the hook". Oh, and if this does fit you, just let me add, nice back tatt! It's SO original.

Now, I honestly haven't watched more than 5 minutes of any award show in probably the last 10 years, because, well.....let's face it, they're all just boring as hell with 90% of the same fucking fucky McFucktards that are there every shitty fucking year. They do their best acting job acting like they like each other and it's just so fucking laughable at how God Damn stupid these cum lappers are. They take themselves so fucking serious it makes you want to vomit in your dogs mouth while you french kiss them. Yeah, like I'm the only one it's ever happened to. Right!

It's just amazing how transparent these people are, but yet every year, true to American form, millions of brain dead screen droolers will turn in for 6 hours to watch these flesh puppets try to say anything in the least bit interesting and struggle to do so without a script or teleprompter in front of thier dumb fucking asses. And here's the killer, they actually think people give a shit what they say. Well some do. (please refer to paragraph #1)

When I was younger, award shows were truly something to behold. They really were. And I'll tell you why. Because unlike today, back then movie 'stars' weren't constantly on the cover of a 100 rags in the checkout line and on a wadzillion different websites every fucking day! We knew very little about our movie stars, thier personal lives, their beliefs, and THAT'S THE WAY WE LIKED IT! For fuck sakes, they're just fucking actors people! Today, every fucking tard that had a line in a film thinks they have the right to spew thier shit like people care. Um...WE DON'T. Just do the film and go the fuck away. I'm sorry, but stars were different then. Leading men were just that...MEN. Today, they're fucking PUSSY'S. Look up at how many stars enlisted in WWII. Oh, how about Jimmy Stewart, Glenn Ford, Eddie Albert, Raymond Burr, Lee Marvin, Clark Gable, Charleton Heston, Charles Bronson just to name a few. Um, how many "stars" enlisted to join the Iraq war? If you can think of just ONE, let me know.

Another thing that drives me fucking nuts, is that these monkey balls get together every other week to give themselves an award for putting out like 5 half ass movies all year long out of 1000. So basically, 0.015% of their work is worth watching, and this of course deserves to spend millions of dollars on award shows to pat each other on the back and tell each other what a great job they are all doing. Yeah, it's just like real life! Everytime I make a copy on the Savin 5830 scanner without getting my penis in the picture for that upcoming report for the boss , I get a statue, a check, and a day off from work. Man, am I good or what!

"Award" Shows SUCK!

Color SUCKS!

Please watch this clip before reading any further if you haven't already seen it somewhere else. Go ahead, I'll wait. Done? Good. Thoughts? Yeah....me too. I honestly don't even know where in the fuck to begin on bashing these two fucking idiot racist pigs. So, just to be clear, they called The President a nigger. Yup, they called him a nigger. Nice. Yeah, because you know the only people who plays the race card are white folk. This fucking irks me beyond control. And what is even more unbelievable are the fucking idiot, mindless cattle in the crowd cheering to what this fuck stick said! Oh, he's on stage and he's black, so he must be down and cool and he's keeping it real. Me shoving that microphone up his ignorant untalented ass while I take a massive shit so huge in his mouth he'll never spew moronic racist crap again is real.

Let's all remember this clip in 4 or 8 years when Obama is down the river. When a white prez comes back, I'm assuming it's okay for me to hop on a mic and scream that my honkey is back. And I'm proud of the one's who threatened Obama or tried to hurt him while in office. Oh no, can't say that now can I! ?! No, no no. That would be .....well....racist! Un-huh.

But, the biggest thing that REALLY pisses me off is the fucking lack of media attention this is getting. They should be hanging these fucktoids from the God Damn rafters. Having cd burning parties of their shitty fucking music. Boycotting anything they put their stupid made up fucking names on or are attached to. People should be throwing shoes at these uneducated untalented racist fucking puke posers every fucking chance they can get.

Way to go Shawn Carter. (that's 'Jay Z's real name. Nice. Fucking typical). Oh, and nice fucking BUG EYES you fucking ugly mother fucking toad two faced piece of shit!
Way to go Lil' Weeney, or cheesy, or faggy or rappy or whatever the fuck your stupid fucking made up fucking uneducated typical thug ass name is. You just set 'your people' back pre-MLK in years you dumb fucking idiot.

JAY Z SUCKS THE "MANS" COCK! So does his little monkey Lil' whatever his fuck.

Fucking racist assholes.

Color SUCKS!

News Media SUCKS!

We all know the news media fucking sucks, but they have out done their ass kissery recently. The news anchors tongues are just ass darts to suck up to whomever they are interviewing. I'm a self confessed "news junkie", but it's gotten to the point where I can't stand watching network news. I now get daily news info from the Cartoon Network. It's more informative and not as funny.

Balack Oslammy-Apparently we have a new president getting sworn in or something. Yeah, I was shocked when I heard it as well. His name escapes me at the moment, but if I lift up my eyes from my computer screen, perhaps it will come to me. Ah, there it is. My dog just walked by with a banner of his name on his side. Bad dog, go to the bathroom. So get this, NBC and the other loser stations are...get this...doing 15 FUCKING HOURS of coverage on the inauguration. Fifteen hours. Holy Shit! Do they have to do it in English and then again in Ebonics? What could they possible talk about for 15 fucking hours? If you watch, let me know. On second thought, don't cuz I don't give a monkey's ass. Tuesday is new video release day, and I'm getting the entire 2nd season of "Saved by the Bell" on DVD.

Now, before you get your panties all bunched up on the left side of your ass, yeah I get it. New prez, he's gonna piss gold, walk on water, save the world, historical moment, blah blah blah. Another historical moment was when I discovered Mr. Meat Bat was made for more than peeing but I don't shove it down your throat for 15 hours. Wait....scratch that. I guess I'll be super bummed out for missing the inauguration when I wake up on Wednesday morning and the world is at peace and everyone is rich and I'll have to get used to seeing that permanent rainbow in the sky. Un-huh.

Hero...NOT- Bird attacks plane, bird wins. So Sam Drucker from Green Acres here sucked up a flock of birds in his engine in New York. Ohhh boy! Wait til' PETA hears about that one. Boooyyyy you in trouuubbble! So I'm watching this shit live, and I told my girlfriend, watch, they'll call him a hero. Sure as shit, 2 hours later, hero is splashed over the screen. Hero. Really? He crashed an airplane and he's a hero? Hmmm. Pilot crashes = hero. So me speeding ticket=NASCAR Race driver. Oh, makes sense. So Sam crash lands the plane in the Hudson river and everyone gets off the plane. Um, end of story? No I say. Why? Becuase damn it! He's a fucking hero! Really, a hero? Lets reflect shall we? Lets.

So this guy is a pilot. What's his job you might ask? To fly a fucking plane, and to TRAIN on scenarios when shit doesn't go right. AND he trained others on what to do in these emergencies. AND he was also on the safety board for training for this shit. AND...it hit a bird! This shit happens ALOT. AND...he gets paid a LOT of money for this shit. When a plane crashes, usually people die. But when one lands and people walk, he's a hero. Give me a fucking break! THIS IS YOUR FUCKING JOB! It's what you get paid a TON of money for! Obviously I am glad nobody died and nobody on the ground was killed or injured. I think he did a great JOB. There's that word again. But the heroes I know of are in some shitty unmarked hole in the ground in France, or in Korea, Vietnam, Iraq. Those people did a JOB that they knew they were probably going to get killed. But the fucking news media won't do a story on Billy Nobody from Fuckstick, Idaho. He didn't get paid a lot, he didn't 'expect' to come back everyday. He had people he was responsible for too. But he was being shot at, with real live bullets. Not dodging fucking birds. He went without food, without sleep. He was cold and wet, he was hot and dry. He didn't have his wife and kids on the news smiling for the cameras. He never had a wife, he never had children. Because he never came home. Because he did a shitty thankless job that nobody wanted to and was killed so others could climb aboard some plane and go on vacation and suck up a bird and get saved be a real 'hero'.

REMEMBER THIS PEOPLE-We never get to thank Heroes.

News Media SUCKS!